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Posts Tagged ‘ted kennedy’

You might be a Liberal if?

August 17th, 2010

You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.

If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner’s rights".

You’ve ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a
conversation.

You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating
that your bags are subject to inspection.

You’ve ever argued that "you can’t legislate morality".

Referred to the Founding Fathers as "those aristocratic, chauvinistic,
lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous
personnel".

You’ve ever said "But look at all the good Ted Kennedy has done for
this country!"

You’ve ever stared at a wall and said "Now THAT is definitely man’s
inhumanity to man!"

You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Russia was an agrarian
society.

You’ve ever called the meter maid a Fascist.

You argue that the Second Amendment only refers to Federally organized
militias.

You view Jane Fonda as a courageous heroine with strong convictions.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say "America is
undertaxed."

You’ve ever said "We really should call the ACLU about this."

You came of age in the ’60s and don’t remember.

You believe it because "Dan Rather wouldn’t lie about something this
important."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a
tax hike because…"

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "is a victim of Draconian
budget cuts."

You’ve ever argued that with just 1 more year of welfare that person
will turn it around and get off drugs.

You are outraged that Baseball Players make millions and the poor clerk
at the unemployment office only makes 28 bucks an hour doing such good
work.

You want government to find alternative energy sources but lobby for the
rights of one Alaskan bird to live in its preferred tree.

You believe our government must do it because Europe does.

You think socialism will catch on once society has evolved.

You’ve ever stated "How does what he does in his personal life have
any bearing on doing his job?"

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Technorati Tags: agrarian society, alternative energy sources, baseball players, budget cuts, chauvinistic, dan rather, founding fathers, heroine, jane fonda, lily white, meter maid, military industrial complex, militias, oppressors, pay stub, second amendment, tax hike, ted kennedy, unemployment office, white slave

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Tags: agrarian society, alternative energy sources, baseball players, budget cuts, chauvinistic, dan rather, founding fathers, heroine, jane fonda, lily white, meter maid, military industrial complex, militias, oppressors, pay stub, second amendment, tax hike, ted kennedy, unemployment office, white slave |

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Have You Read Any Of These Short Books?

August 11th, 2010

FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac

MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
by John Denver

HOW TO HUNT
by Dick Cheney

MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS
by Dan Marino

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman

MY WILD YEARS
by Al Gore

AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

AMERICA ‘S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS DETROIT: A Travel Guide

A COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson

SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
by the EPA

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson

BRIDGE TRAVEL
by Ted Kennedy

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson

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Tags: al gore, amelia earhart, beauty secrets, bill gates, bridge travel, dating etiquette, dennis rodman, dick cheney, french war, hillary clinton, jacques chirac, janet reno, mike tyson, motivational speeches, o j simpson, personal hygiene, rev jesse jackson, super bowl highlights, ted kennedy, war heroes |

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Did you hear about my new Lexus?

August 9th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus last month; you know the one that parks itself? But, I had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie." he continued and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia on My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, Soggy Bottom Boys," I’d get beautiful bluegrass music, and if I said, "Beatles" I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "A@@ Holes!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

I LOVE this car!

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Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, bluegrass music, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, soggy bottom boys, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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I Bought A New Car And The Radio Doesn't Work?

August 7th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus SC430 and returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "As*sHoles!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

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Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, lexus sc430, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, scotch, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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On the Road Again (possibly offensive to sensitive liberals)?

July 29th, 2010

I bought a new high-end car and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" he said, "Nelson!"

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he said, and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles" or "Stones" I’d get one of their classic songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. "A-s-s-holes!" I yelled.

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

Damn, I LOVE my new car!
The nice thing about living in the USA is, we can tell jokes like this and not get shot.

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Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, classic songs, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, living in the usa, michael moore, nancy pelosi, nice thing, quot quot, ray charles, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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Is there really accuracy in this parable?

July 25th, 2010

The Ant and The Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:

>> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies
out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of the shiveri ng grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
>>
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It’s Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

>> Ted Kennedy & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Dan Rather that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proport ionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>>
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

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Tags: cnn, dan rather, dances, demonstration, economic equity, eeoc, fair share, frog, grasshopper, jesse jackson, john kerry, laughs, moral of the story, nbc, news stations, old version, oprah, poor grasshopper, tax hike, ted kennedy |

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Does anyone else think this is as funny as I do?????

July 21st, 2010

Schedule of Events:

7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning

7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.

7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm ~ How I Invented the Internet – Al Gore

8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning – Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm ~ Our Troops are War Criminals – John Kerry

9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ~ "Answering Machine Etiquette" – Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund – Barbra Streisand

11:15 pm ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay — Sean Penn

11:30 pm ~ Oval Office Affairs – William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers – Howard Dean

12:15 am ~ "Truth in Broadcasting Award" – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home
Maybe awful but it is unfortunately true!!!!

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Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbra streisand, barney frank, cindy sheehan, freedom fighters, hillary rodham clinton, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers |

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Is this pretty much what goes on at the Democratic convention?

July 19th, 2010

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING

7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP – Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton

7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING – Darryl Hannah

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET – Al Gore

8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING – Rosie O’Donnell

8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS – John Kerry

9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE – Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND – Barbara Streisand

11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY -Sean Penn

11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS – William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS – Howard Dean

12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA – Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA

1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home.

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Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbara streisand, cindy sheehan, freedom fighters, howard dean, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, rosie o donnell, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers |

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What goes on during the Democratic convention?

July 17th, 2010

Other than the list below.

2008 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP – Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING – Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET – Al Gore
8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING – Rosie O’Donnell
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS – John Kerry
9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS – Cindy Sheehan and
Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE – Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND –
Barbara Streisand
11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY – Sean Penn
11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS – William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS – Howard
Dean
12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD – Presented to Dan Rather by
Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA – Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hilary home.

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Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbara streisand, cindy sheehan, democrat national convention, howard dean, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, rosie o donnell, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers |

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Have you heard…..?

July 13th, 2010

Just Released – Agenda for Day one of the Democrat takeover of Congress:

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.

7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.

7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.

8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.

8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding – Barney Frank, presiding.

8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon.

9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender – French President Jacques Chirac

9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.

9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay – Sean Penn.

9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military – a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.

9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award by Michael Moore.

9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers – Howard Dean.

10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.

11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.

11:15 P.M. Resolution sponsored by John Kerry and John Murtha: Our Troops are War Criminals

11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Rodham Clinton.

12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.

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Tags: al sharpton, barney frank, cindy sheehan, donald rumsfeld, french president jacques, french president jacques chirac, hillary rodham clinton, jacques chirac, jessie jackson, john murtha, keynote speech, kidney transplant, mahmud ahmadinejad, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, president jacques chirac, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton |

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