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Did you hear about my new Lexus?

August 9th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus last month; you know the one that parks itself? But, I had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie." he continued and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia on My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, Soggy Bottom Boys," I’d get beautiful bluegrass music, and if I said, "Beatles" I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "A@@ Holes!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

I LOVE this car!

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, bluegrass music, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, soggy bottom boys, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, bluegrass music, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, soggy bottom boys, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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I Bought A New Car And The Radio Doesn't Work?

August 7th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus SC430 and returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "As*sHoles!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, lexus sc430, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, scotch, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, lexus sc430, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, scotch, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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On the Road Again (possibly offensive to sensitive liberals)?

July 29th, 2010

I bought a new high-end car and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" he said, "Nelson!"

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he said, and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles" or "Stones" I’d get one of their classic songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. "A-s-s-holes!" I yelled.

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

Damn, I LOVE my new car!
The nice thing about living in the USA is, we can tell jokes like this and not get shot.

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, classic songs, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, living in the usa, michael moore, nancy pelosi, nice thing, quot quot, ray charles, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, classic songs, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, living in the usa, michael moore, nancy pelosi, nice thing, quot quot, ray charles, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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Traders of the USA? Who else is guilty of treason?

June 20th, 2010

John Kerry, Al Gore,Hillary Clinton, Barbra Boxer Rocky Anderson, Allen Comes, Harry Reid, Michael Moore ,Ted Kennedy ,Cindy Sheehan Jimmy Carter Dan Rather should all be hung along with the rest of liberal America

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbra boxer, cindy sheehan, dan rather, harry reid, hillary clinton, jimmy carter, john kerry, michael moore, ted kennedy

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbra boxer, cindy sheehan, dan rather, harry reid, hillary clinton, jimmy carter, john kerry, michael moore, ted kennedy |

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