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You might be a Liberal if?

August 17th, 2010

You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.

If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner’s rights".

You’ve ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a
conversation.

You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating
that your bags are subject to inspection.

You’ve ever argued that "you can’t legislate morality".

Referred to the Founding Fathers as "those aristocratic, chauvinistic,
lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous
personnel".

You’ve ever said "But look at all the good Ted Kennedy has done for
this country!"

You’ve ever stared at a wall and said "Now THAT is definitely man’s
inhumanity to man!"

You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Russia was an agrarian
society.

You’ve ever called the meter maid a Fascist.

You argue that the Second Amendment only refers to Federally organized
militias.

You view Jane Fonda as a courageous heroine with strong convictions.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say "America is
undertaxed."

You’ve ever said "We really should call the ACLU about this."

You came of age in the ’60s and don’t remember.

You believe it because "Dan Rather wouldn’t lie about something this
important."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a
tax hike because…"

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "is a victim of Draconian
budget cuts."

You’ve ever argued that with just 1 more year of welfare that person
will turn it around and get off drugs.

You are outraged that Baseball Players make millions and the poor clerk
at the unemployment office only makes 28 bucks an hour doing such good
work.

You want government to find alternative energy sources but lobby for the
rights of one Alaskan bird to live in its preferred tree.

You believe our government must do it because Europe does.

You think socialism will catch on once society has evolved.

You’ve ever stated "How does what he does in his personal life have
any bearing on doing his job?"

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Technorati Tags: agrarian society, alternative energy sources, baseball players, budget cuts, chauvinistic, dan rather, founding fathers, heroine, jane fonda, lily white, meter maid, military industrial complex, militias, oppressors, pay stub, second amendment, tax hike, ted kennedy, unemployment office, white slave

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: agrarian society, alternative energy sources, baseball players, budget cuts, chauvinistic, dan rather, founding fathers, heroine, jane fonda, lily white, meter maid, military industrial complex, militias, oppressors, pay stub, second amendment, tax hike, ted kennedy, unemployment office, white slave |

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Did you hear about my new Lexus?

August 9th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus last month; you know the one that parks itself? But, I had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie." he continued and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia on My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, Soggy Bottom Boys," I’d get beautiful bluegrass music, and if I said, "Beatles" I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "A@@ Holes!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

I LOVE this car!

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, bluegrass music, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, soggy bottom boys, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, bluegrass music, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, soggy bottom boys, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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I Bought A New Car And The Radio Doesn't Work?

August 7th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus SC430 and returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "As*sHoles!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, lexus sc430, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, scotch, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, lexus sc430, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, scotch, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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On the Road Again (possibly offensive to sensitive liberals)?

July 29th, 2010

I bought a new high-end car and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" he said, "Nelson!"

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he said, and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles" or "Stones" I’d get one of their classic songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. "A-s-s-holes!" I yelled.

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

Damn, I LOVE my new car!
The nice thing about living in the USA is, we can tell jokes like this and not get shot.

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, classic songs, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, living in the usa, michael moore, nancy pelosi, nice thing, quot quot, ray charles, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, classic songs, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, living in the usa, michael moore, nancy pelosi, nice thing, quot quot, ray charles, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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Obama potential appointees list?

June 30th, 2010

Secretary of Health and Child Safety, and “Transportation” Secretary – Ted Kennedy
Secretary of the Defense, Military and peace negotiations – Jane Fonda
President of the “ Proud Americans” club – Michelle Obama
Secretary of Fair and Accurate Media Coverage – Dan Rather

What other appointees do you know of?

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Technorati Tags: accurate media coverage, appointees, child safety, dan rather, defense military, health, jane fonda, michelle obama, peace negotiations, secretary of the defense, ted kennedy, transportation secretary

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Tags: accurate media coverage, appointees, child safety, dan rather, defense military, health, jane fonda, michelle obama, peace negotiations, secretary of the defense, ted kennedy, transportation secretary |

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