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Have You Read Any Of These Short Books?

August 11th, 2010

FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac

MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
by John Denver

HOW TO HUNT
by Dick Cheney

MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS
by Dan Marino

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman

MY WILD YEARS
by Al Gore

AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

AMERICA ‘S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS DETROIT: A Travel Guide

A COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson

SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
by the EPA

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson

BRIDGE TRAVEL
by Ted Kennedy

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, amelia earhart, beauty secrets, bill gates, bridge travel, dating etiquette, dennis rodman, dick cheney, french war, hillary clinton, jacques chirac, janet reno, mike tyson, motivational speeches, o j simpson, personal hygiene, rev jesse jackson, super bowl highlights, ted kennedy, war heroes |

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Did you hear about my new Lexus?

August 9th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus last month; you know the one that parks itself? But, I had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie." he continued and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia on My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, Soggy Bottom Boys," I’d get beautiful bluegrass music, and if I said, "Beatles" I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "A@@ Holes!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

I LOVE this car!

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, bluegrass music, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, soggy bottom boys, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, bluegrass music, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, soggy bottom boys, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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I Bought A New Car And The Radio Doesn't Work?

August 7th, 2010

I bought a new Lexus SC430 and returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles," I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "As*sHoles!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, lexus sc430, michael moore, nancy pelosi, quot quot, ray charles, red light, scotch, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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On the Road Again (possibly offensive to sensitive liberals)?

July 29th, 2010

I bought a new high-end car and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" he said, "Nelson!"

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he said, and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles" or "Stones" I’d get one of their classic songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. "A-s-s-holes!" I yelled.

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

Damn, I LOVE my new car!
The nice thing about living in the USA is, we can tell jokes like this and not get shot.

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, classic songs, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, living in the usa, michael moore, nancy pelosi, nice thing, quot quot, ray charles, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson |

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Does anyone else think this is as funny as I do?????

July 21st, 2010

Schedule of Events:

7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning

7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.

7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm ~ How I Invented the Internet – Al Gore

8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning – Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm ~ Our Troops are War Criminals – John Kerry

9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ~ "Answering Machine Etiquette" – Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund – Barbra Streisand

11:15 pm ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay — Sean Penn

11:30 pm ~ Oval Office Affairs – William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers – Howard Dean

12:15 am ~ "Truth in Broadcasting Award" – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home
Maybe awful but it is unfortunately true!!!!

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbra streisand, barney frank, cindy sheehan, freedom fighters, hillary rodham clinton, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers |

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Is this pretty much what goes on at the Democratic convention?

July 19th, 2010

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING

7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP – Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton

7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING – Darryl Hannah

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET – Al Gore

8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING – Rosie O’Donnell

8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS – John Kerry

9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE – Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND – Barbara Streisand

11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY -Sean Penn

11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS – William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS – Howard Dean

12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA – Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA

1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home.

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbara streisand, cindy sheehan, freedom fighters, howard dean, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, rosie o donnell, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers |

7 Comments »

What goes on during the Democratic convention?

July 17th, 2010

Other than the list below.

2008 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP – Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING – Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET – Al Gore
8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING – Rosie O’Donnell
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS – John Kerry
9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS – Cindy Sheehan and
Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE – Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND –
Barbara Streisand
11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY – Sean Penn
11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS – William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS – Howard
Dean
12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD – Presented to Dan Rather by
Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA – Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hilary home.

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbara streisand, cindy sheehan, democrat national convention, howard dean, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, rosie o donnell, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers |

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What if Hillary did get nominated in 2008? I found the agenda.?

July 5th, 2010

Agenda for the Democratic National Convention for 2008:
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding — Barney Frank Presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan– Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender — French President Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay Sean Penn
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore
9:55
9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:00 P.M. How George bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers — Howard Dean
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals — John Kerry
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Rodham Clinton
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy Wire Transfer Meridian Bank proposes a toast
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, al sharpton, barney frank, cindy sheehan, donald rumsfeld, french president jacques, french president jacques chirac, hillary rodham clinton, jacques chirac, jessie jackson, keynote speech, kidney transplant, mahmud ahnadinejad, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, president jacques chirac, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton |

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Do you think the democrat national convention will be like this?

July 3rd, 2010

2008 Democratic National Convention

>>
>>7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
>>7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
>> 7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>>7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Non religious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
>> 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>>8: 05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
>>8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding– Barney Frank Presiding.
>> 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>>8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan — Susan Sarandon.
>>9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender –French President Jacques Chirac.
>> 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>>9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.
>>9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay with Sean Penn.
>> 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
>> 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>>9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore.
>> 9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>> 10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers — Howard Dean.
>>10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad.
>> 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>>11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet.
>> 11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals — John Kerry.
>>11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.
>> 12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
>>12: 05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home!!!!
by the way I,m no republican but I found this humerous.
No sean I’m libertarian leaning but very conservative
Adam D the problem with you liberals is you dont know how to laugh.
Thanks Dark Angel, to each his own.

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, al sharpton, barney frank, cindy sheehan, donald rumsfeld, french president jacques, french president jacques chirac, hillary rodham clinton, jacques chirac, jessie jackson, keynote speech, kidney transplant, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, president jacques chirac, religious prayer, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton |

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I’ve got a bracelet too. From, Sergeant, uh, uh, from the mother of, uh, Sergeant, Ryan David Jopek.”?

June 22nd, 2010

‘I’ve Got a Bracelet, Too’
Photo of Matthew Sheffield.
By Matthew Sheffield (Bio | Archive)
September 27, 2008 – 03:01 ET

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In recent memory, every presidential debate eventually distills down into a few catchphrases. Al Gore became known for his sighs and love of lockboxes. John Kerry actually served in Vietnam. Dan Quayle was no Jack Kennedy.

Barack Obama has a bracelet, too.

That inartful comeback will likely filter out through the political ether in the days ahead. What might not filter through our partisan press is that shortly after pointing out that, like John McCain, he sports a bracelet given to him by a military family, Barack Obama had to stop and look down find out the name of the soldier he’s honoring.

That soldier is Ryan David Jopek. Barack Obama doesn’t appear to have known that fact.

Here’s his complete line:

"Jim, let me just make a point. I’ve got a bracelet too. From, Sergeant, uh, uh, from the mother of, uh, Sergeant, Ryan David Jopek."

Had a Republican, say Sarah Palin, made this gaffe, who wants to bet that we wouldn’t hear this clip repeated endlessly during the post-debate spin shows and in the days ahead? How much would the sincerity of our hypothetical Republican politician be called into question.

I didn’t hear it discussed once in the post-debate coverage. Did you?

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Posted in Dan Kennedy |

Tags: al gore, barack obama, catchphrases, dan quayle, debate coverage, gaffe, jack kennedy, john kerry, john mccain, jopek, lockboxes, military family, partisan press, presidential debate, republican politician, ryan david, sarah palin, sergeant, sheffield, sincerity |

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