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Archive for the ‘Dan Kennedy’ Category

I bought a new high-end car and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" he said, "Nelson!"

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he said, and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, "Beethoven," I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles" or "Stones" I’d get one of their classic songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. "A-s-s-holes!" I yelled.

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

Damn, I LOVE my new car!
The nice thing about living in the USA is, we can tell jokes like this and not get shot.

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Technorati Tags: al gore, barbara streisand, classic songs, dan rather, dixie chicks, french national anthem, georgia on my mind, harry reid, jane fonda, john kerry, living in the usa, michael moore, nancy pelosi, nice thing, quot quot, ray charles, spoons, tambourine, ted kennedy, willie nelson

I have a huge hatred for Jordan Staal, and will think he’s overrated no matter what, but he has shown some light in this postseason enough for me to give him kudos. Chris Osgood has been lights out. Doug Helm and Tyler Kennedy have been little speedsters with pure grit. Dan Cleary. Brent Seabrook. Marc Savard. Lucic. There are sooo many out there.
Haha @ Bob.

Yes. I think he’s well overrated. Just imagine the team had they picked Toews instead? Staal was never chosen to be this "great defensive forward". He was picked for his size and scoring ability, and he rarely uses or does either. You’re right. He’s a big dumb oaf who reminds me of Lurch from the Addams Family. When he did an interview after the game, he took out his mouthpiece, let out a groan, and said "Youuu rraaanngg?"

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Technorati Tags: addams family, brent seabrook, chris osgood, dan cleary, game, hatred, helm, jordan staal, kudos, lucic, lurch, marc savard, mouthpiece, oaf, speedsters, youuu

The Ant and The Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:

>> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies
out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of the shiveri ng grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
>>
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It’s Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

>> Ted Kennedy & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Dan Rather that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proport ionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>>
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

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Technorati Tags: cnn, dan rather, dances, demonstration, economic equity, eeoc, fair share, frog, grasshopper, jesse jackson, john kerry, laughs, moral of the story, nbc, news stations, old version, oprah, poor grasshopper, tax hike, ted kennedy

THIS IS THE MATCHS FOR THE LAST WWETNA WRESTLEMANIA AFTER
TNA TOOK OVER THE WRESTLING WORLD

WWETNA TITLE
BARBED WIRE STEEL CAGE MATCH

JHON CENA V "THE INSTANT CLASSIC" CHRISTIAN CAGE

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
STREET FIGHT

"THE ANIMAL" BATISTA V "DOUBLE J" JEFF JARRETT V "OLYMPIC GOLD MEDILAST" KURT ANGLE

X DIVISION + INTERCONTENTIAL TITLE MATCH
PUNJABI PRISON MATCH

"THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE" SAMOA JOE V "THE SAMOAN BULLDOZER" UMAGA

WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES + TNA TAG TEAM TITLES
I QUIT MATCH

VOODO KIN MAFIA V D-GENERATION X

BITTER RIVALS
IF VINCE WINS HE WINS BACK WWE AND IF BRET WINS VINCE
MUST PAY JIM CORNETTE 10 MILLION DOLLORS

MR VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON V BRET HART(SIGNED WITH TNA SIX MONTHS PREVIOUS)

TNAWWE ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH
WHOEVER WINS GETS TITLE SHOT

"THE PHENOMEL" AJ STLYES V "THE FALLEN ANGEL" CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR(WWE) V "Y2J" CHRIS JERICHO (TNA)
V THE GREAT KHALI V RIC FLAIR V "THE MASTERPIECE"CHRIS MASTERS
R.V.D(TNA) v SABU(TNA) V THE SANDMAN V "THE RAPID WOLFERINE" CHRIS BENOIT
.M.V.P V CM PUNK V MATT HARDY V JEFF HARDY V "BIG POPPA PUMP" SCOTT STIENER V "THE WAR MACHINE " RHINO
V "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL V DAN RODMAN V JIMMY WANG YANG V CHAVO GUERRERO V"THE ROAD WARRIOR" ANIMAL
V NORMAN SMILEY V "THE FUTURE" CHRIS SABIN V "THE ALPHA MALE" MARCUS COR VON V ERIC YOUNG V KEVIN THORN V ROBERT ROODE V SONJAY DUTT V ALEX SHELLY V BOBBY LASHLEY

LEGENDS V LEGEND KILLER MATCH
HELL IN A CELL MATCH

"THE ICON" STING AND "THE PHENOM" THE UNDERTAKER V "THE LEGEND KILLER" RANDY ORTON

BATTLE OF THE FREAKS
SIX SIDED STEEL CAGE

ABYSS V KANE

JIM CORNETTE PUMPED UP FOR ALLMOST THREE MONTHS THAT A NEW TAG TEAM WERE COMING TO TNA THEY WERE CALLED THE CANIADIAN EXICUTIONERS AND THEY WERE BRET HART AND CHRIS JERICHO. THIS REALLY PISSED OFF MR MCMAHON BECAUSE JERICHO WAS SCHEDUELED TO VERSE JHON CEN FOR THE WWE TITLE AT WWE AT SUMMERSLAM 2007 THEN JERICHO SHOWED UP ON TNA THE NIGHT BEFORE SUMMERSLAM AND REVELED ALL OF WWE STORYLINES AND PLANS FOR THE NEXT YEAR SO MR MCMAHON SENT D-X,ORTON,EDGE UMAGA AND THE GREAT KHALI TO TNA IMPACT WHER TNA DESTROYED THEM THIS LEAD TO A MONDAY NIGHT WAR WHICH TNA WON AND BOUGHT OUT WWE WITH THE BACKING OF VINCES OLD TIME NEMISIS DONALD TRUMP. THERE WAS ALSO THE RETURN OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR AT TNA VICTORY ROAD WHO EVERBODY THOUGHT WAS SIGNING FOR TNA BUT WHEN WWE INVADED THE WARRIOR TURNED ON TNA AND WENT BACK TO WWE.

THERE IS ALSO BIG RETURN BUT YOU NEED TO GUESS I WILL GIVE YOU A CLUE HE IS FROM TAMPA BAY FLORIDA WEIGHING 265 POUNDS AT 6 FOOT 7 INCHES

ITS THE ONE THE ONLY HULK HOGAN

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Schedule of Events:

7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning

7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.

7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm ~ How I Invented the Internet – Al Gore

8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning – Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm ~ Our Troops are War Criminals – John Kerry

9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ~ "Answering Machine Etiquette" – Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund – Barbra Streisand

11:15 pm ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay — Sean Penn

11:30 pm ~ Oval Office Affairs – William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers – Howard Dean

12:15 am ~ "Truth in Broadcasting Award" – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home
Maybe awful but it is unfortunately true!!!!

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Technorati Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbra streisand, barney frank, cindy sheehan, freedom fighters, hillary rodham clinton, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING

7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP – Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton

7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING – Darryl Hannah

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET – Al Gore

8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING – Rosie O’Donnell

8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS – John Kerry

9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE – Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND – Barbara Streisand

11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY -Sean Penn

11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS – William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS – Howard Dean

12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA – Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA

1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home.

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Technorati Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbara streisand, cindy sheehan, freedom fighters, howard dean, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, rosie o donnell, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers

Other than the list below.

2008 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP – Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING – Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET – Al Gore
8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING – Rosie O’Donnell
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS – John Kerry
9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS – Cindy Sheehan and
Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE – Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND –
Barbara Streisand
11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY – Sean Penn
11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS – William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS – Howard
Dean
12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD – Presented to Dan Rather by
Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA – Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hilary home.

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Technorati Tags: al gore, al sharpton, alec baldwin, barbara streisand, cindy sheehan, democrat national convention, howard dean, kidney transplant, mahmoud ahmadinejad, nancy pelosi, office affairs, pledge of allegiance, prayer and worship, rosie o donnell, satellite address, susan sarandon, ted kennedy, war criminals, william jefferson clinton, world trade towers

Should I trade away Josh Hamilton, Dan Haren, and Clay Buchholz for Justin Upton, CC Sabathia, and Ian Kennedy or Wade Davis? If yes, then do I pick Kennedy or Davis?

Here’s my starting rotation if it helps:

Tim Lincecum
Clayton Kershaw
Josh Johnson
Tim Hudson
Francisco Liriano
Mat Latos
Colby Lewis
Phil Hughes
Yovani Gallardo
Brett Anderson

I know, good rotation…A lot of stupid owners in my league.

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Technorati Tags: brett anderson, cc sabathia, clay buchholz, clayton kershaw, colby, dan haren, francisco liriano, gallardo, josh hamilton, josh johnson, justin upton, phil hughes, tim hudson, tim lincecum, wade davis, yovani gallardo

Just Released – Agenda for Day one of the Democrat takeover of Congress:

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.

7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.

7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.

8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.

8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding – Barney Frank, presiding.

8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon.

9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender – French President Jacques Chirac

9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund.

9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay – Sean Penn.

9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military – a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.

9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award by Michael Moore.

9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers – Howard Dean.

10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.

11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.

11:15 P.M. Resolution sponsored by John Kerry and John Murtha: Our Troops are War Criminals

11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Rodham Clinton.

12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.

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2008 Democrat National Convention
Denver , Colorado
Agenda for the 2008 Democrat National Convention (Just Released)
7:00 pm Opening flag burning
7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N.
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jessie Jackson and
Al Sharpton
7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet – Al Gore
8:15 pm Gay Wedding – Barney Frank presiding
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals – John Kerry
9:00 pm Free Saddam Rally – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
11:00 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund
- Barbara Streisand
11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay – Sean Penn
11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs – William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:50 pm How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers –
Howard Dean
12:15 am "Truth in Broadcasting Award" – Presented to Dan Rather by
Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:30 am Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:05 am Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton (yes, this is the
ticket)
1:30 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted to drive Hillary home
ck4829 Thank you. That’s a good one also and had been posted on this forum some time ago.

Loosen up people.. It’s a joke, and a political one.. okay?

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